‘My close friend’s wedding will cost me £1,000 – how do I say no?’

Money Confidential: Katie and her experts lift the curtain on real-life financial dramas

There are few more joyous occasions than the weddings of our nearest and dearest but for one anonymous Telegraph reader, a friend’s upcoming nuptials are giving her sleepless nights. 
A close friend of 25 years has chosen to be a bride in Mauritius and she’s given our reader – let’s call her Ellie – the honour of being a bridesmaid.
Though delighted to be asked, Ellie confesses to the Money Confidential podcast that she can’t afford to attend the wedding, meaning she will have to decline the invitation. 
Ellie is desperate not to let her friend down. But at the same time, she feels she needs to put herself first. She says the cost of going to the friend’s wedding will delay her future plans to settle down and at 31, she feels she doesn’t have time to waste.
On hand to help Ellie broach the issue with her friend without it souring the friendship is Rebecca Reid, the women’s writer and queen of saying no. She describes the idea of suspending your own future to be a part of someone else’s as “madness”, and supports Ellie’s decision not to attend. 
Ellie needs to put her cards on the table sooner rather than later and be direct about her intentions, so as not to leave her friend guessing and wondering about what she will do, Rebecca says.
On the episode, we also hear from Pooja, another Telegraph subscriber, who in one year was invited to nine weddings and had to make some tough decisions on whose to swerve.
In Pooja’s case, her relationship with one friend, whose wedding was in India, did cool off after she declined the wedding invitation and Pooja reflects on why that might have happened. 
I also hear from Sarah Hayward, wedding planner to the stars, who is used to dealing with such matters from the bride’s perspective and provides tips on how couples can ensure that prospective guests don’t feel awkward about money when it comes to their celebrations.   
I’d be interested to know – have you fallen out with a friend over not attending their wedding for financial reasons? Or vice versa? How did you handle it successfully or what do you regret? Might you have any friendly advice for Ellie on how to manage her dilemma?
You can reply to me in the comments below or send me an email or a voice note to [email protected] with your thoughts. I’d absolutely love to hear from you.
I’m also looking for people to appear on future episodes, so if you’ve got something to get off your chest or you need some advice, send me your money dilemma by filling in my contact form below.